Of course, I did see some movies that were technically worse than these, but they were practically intended to be bad (episodes of MST3K that I watched including "Santa Claus" from 1959 and "Gamera Vs. Guiron").
10. The Event (2003): IMDB Link This movie looked good on paper: the cast included Olympia Dukakis, Sarah Polley, Jane Leeves and Parker Posey. The description on Netflix reads: "Nick (Parker Posey), a New York City district attorney, investigates the latest in a series of unexplained suicide-like deaths among the gay community in the city's Chelsea district"...I thought I was getting a murder mystery or a suspense thriller. What I got was a low-rent version of It's My Party.
9. Wedding Crashers (2005): IMDB Link. The thing about this movie is I wanted to like it. I've enjoyed both Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in other films. But, it just wasn't funny. You might say that this type of sophomoric humor is just not for me. However, this year I did enjoy "Waiting", "Clerks II", "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" and "Forty Year Old Virgin" amongst others that delved into this same frat boy humor area. I laughed heartily at moments throughout all of them. This one just left me cold. I stopped the video about an hour into it when I hadn't yet laughed and I didn't see it getting any better from that point.
8. Broken Flowers (2005): IMDB Link Admittedly, I probably should have learned my lesson from "Lost in Translation" (hell, I should have learned my lesson from "The Razor's Edge") that dramas with Bill Murray are going to suck (unless they are directed by Wes Anderson...and those movies are more dark comedy than drama anyway). Again, it looked good on paper 'cause there were a bunch of good people in it (Tilda Swinton, Chloe Sevigny, Julie Delpy) and I could remember when Bill Murray was kind of "ugly sexy" so I could believe that he was a ladies' man. However, the movie was kind of pointless. There was no real resolution at the end. I know...I know...that's more realistic...real life doesn't have resolution, etc., but I felt very unsatisfied with this film.
7. For Your Consideration (2006): IMDB Link As one of the few movies I was looking forward to seeing this year, this was a major disappointment. There were very few funny spots in this film. I've been a fan of these Christopher Guest directed films from the start (and even before the start if you count the Rob Reiner directed "This Is Spinal Tap") and I've enjoyed the work of this cast. However, I think there was one MAJOR fault in this film...it was shot as a regular fictional movie instead of a mockumentary which took a lot of the fun out of it. I think the shift also took away the ability for many of these actors to improv in the same way that they are used to. They were also hampered with the fact that the characters they were playing cut too close to home. They were too familiar with who they were playing and perhaps weren't able to find their cruel streaks this time or something similar. It also was too much of a downer compared to the other films. I also think that the film was hampered by the film within a film. There needed to be a level of believability that just wasn't there because the acting in the inner movie was way too high camp. I wonder if it would have been funnier to see a "true" performance for the shitty inner script. Oh, and like all Christopher Guest movies, this featured Parker Posey!
6. How To Eat Fried Worms (2006): IMDB Link. I'd read the the original book in the summer between fourth and fifth grade and loved it at the time. Of course, part of that is the "kiddie filter"...certain things from our childhood just aren't going to appeal to us the way they do as adults (one example I can think of is Greatest American Hero). I fondly remember this book (though I remember the act of reading it and the feelings it created more than actual details so many years before). Meanwhile, I absolutely hated this movie. Of course, this wasn't helped by the fact that it didn't have any of the (remembered) charm of the book. In fact, it also wasn't quite the same story. In the movie, the kid has to eat ten fried worms in one day. In the book, he had to eat fifteen worms in fifteen days (one per day)...there was tension in worrying about how each of the worms would be prepared, etc. Also, in the book, it was a bet with money involved that motivates the kid to eat the worms. In the movie, it's a dare...big difference in my opinion. It also isn't helped by a big heaping helping of fart humour and the ilk that wasn't present in the original book. I just wish that Hollywood didn't see fit to always dumb every thing down for the mass consumer...
5. Brokeback Mountain (2005): IMDB Link. I honestly didn't see what the big deal was about this over-hyped, overly sentimental slow moving tripe. Yes, the cinematography was beautiful and yes, the acting was very good. But, no, I didn't care for the story or the characters at all. I didn't think it deserved the nomination for Best Picture let alone the award that it lost (that caused so many of my gay brethren to get their panties in a bunch). I couldn't believe the aftermath of that awards ceremony actually cost one of my friends her spot in a theatre group she performed with because she said simply that it not winning the award didn't necessarily equal homophobia. She stated that I didn't like the movie and since I was gay that wasn't because of homophobia either. The people in her group told her I wasn't a "good homosexual" or something like that. Well, not to belabour the point, I've seen better gay love stories...this wasn't the end all/be all. I also would have preferred to see a movie where the "fag" didn't get killed in the end (you know, to make it easier for straight mass audiences to take it, 'cause the "fag" got punished for his actions...and everyone knows that only the guy taking it up the ass is the fag and not the guy who puts his dick there, right?).
4. Adam and Steve (2005): IMDB Link. No, I don't just hate movies about self-loathing fags written/directed/acted by straight people. I also hate movies about self-loathing mincing queen fags written/directed/acted by gay people, too! This movie had no likeable characters. And did I mention Parker Posey was in this? 'Nuff said.
3. Office Space (1999) Office Space. Basically, I know too many people who quote from the movie, so I finally decided to take the plunge and watch it. WTF? Again, excruciatingly painful unfunny movie. Where are the jokes, people? You want to see a great movie about cubicle life? Watch Clockwatchers instead (and it's actually a GOOD movie with Parker Posey).
2. Superman Returns (2006): IMDB Link. I also somewhat looked forward to this one. I'd had high hopes for it. They were all dashed. Lois was a stranger (not only was she WAY too young, but she was a wimp), Clark/Kal-El was great looking, but he was a mindless drone, Jimmy Olsen was retarded, Parker Posey's character was a watered down version of Valerie Perrine's, Kevin Spacey was just doing one long Gene Hackman impression...bad. It was two hours of, as our friend Michael Mills said, Bryan Singer dry-humping Richard Donner's films (which haven't survived my "kiddie filter" either to tell the truth).
1. Flesh (1968): IMDB Link. Let me say that I feel as if I'm missing something. I don't get the appeal of Andy Warhol and his cronies. I went into this movie expecting at least something of the caliber of John Waters and was SORELY disappointed. While some of the acting in, perhaps, "Female Trouble" might be considered amateurish (not the leads, but some of the supporting actors), the "actors" here were not even good enough to be called amateurs. This is poorly acted, BARELY written and just a lame excuse to Joe Dallesandro nude (I realize that male frontal nudity was shocking back then and may still be to some today, but it isn't enough to create a movie around). AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
For the record, I've actually enjoyed Parker's work in Clockwatchers (mentioned above), House of Yes, Best in Show, Waiting For Guffman and the various Tales of the City mini-series. I just think it was a bad year for her professionally.