Bryan F. Irrera (bfirrera) wrote,
Bryan F. Irrera

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I've been starting to feel like I'm heading into a cycle of depression. I keep getting this paranoid feeling that no one really likes me...that they just tolerate me because for one reason or another they have to (I work with them or they're afraid to tell me that they no longer want to be my friend).

I feel this way because I've recently felt that some of the people that I've considered friends have been blowing me off. They go off and do stuff without me...hey, their entitled to, I don't think I have to be included in everything, but I don't want to find out the next day that there was this really great party that all of my friends were at by reading about it on someone else's livejournal.

It's been happening for a couple of weeks. It all seems to stem around a fight that Paul and I had (that has already blown over and been, I think, resolved) and it seems that these particular friends have been angry at me as well (as if FOR Paul's sake...I don't get it).

I still feel like if I see people from Cumberland Players right now that they are just being polite to me...I'm surprised if their nice to me in fact.

I've also got this co-worker. She and I immediately got off on the wrong foot (on both of our parts) and today she was entirely nice to me. I know that our boss had a chat with me about her and I assume that she had the same chat with this girl. I'm assuming that we are both trying to put our best foot forward with each other. If we HAVE to work together, we're going to have to be able to be teammates. It doesn't mean that we have to friends, but...

It's funny, I'm paranoid because people who ARE my friends AREN'T being nice to me and I'm equally paranoid because people who are FAR from being my friend ARE.
Tags: feeling_insecurious

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