Bryan F. Irrera (bfirrera) wrote,
Bryan F. Irrera

Superman Returns - Mostly Spoiler Free (no plot points revealed)

Don't bother. Watch the DVDs of the old ones if you must.

This contained everything that I hated about the first Superman movie. (for the record, the only good parts of the first movie, as far as I'm concerned: Lois' interview of Superman at her penthouse (until the montage with "Can You Read My Mind?") and the first time Superman rescues Lois ("You've Got Me, Who's Got You?") and the rest of it...well, it's one of those don't watch this thing if you watched as a kid and now are a grownup kind of things for me. Especially the dumb "turn the world backwards on it's axis to turn back time" crap (which may be topped only by Superman's super "kiss you to make you forget that you know my secret identity and we were married for about a week" power from the second movie).

We have here:

  • the boring Smallville crap
  • the Marlon Brando hologram speech (nap time in the first movie)
  • Jimmy Olsen is still reduced to a child's intellect (when are they going to give us "Mr. Action" circa the Bronze Age Dollar Comic "Superman Family" books?)
  • Lex Luthor is a bumbling doofus and is surrounded by morons (this time trading Parker Posey (who as usual sucks in her mainstream outing, though that may be because they always give her these same one-note dimbulb roles (get this girl a script for an independent film, preferably a Christopher Guest project, pronto)) for the ultimately forgettable and untalented Valerie Perrine)
  • the film/story screeching to a halt Lois/Clark flying montage to the tune of "Can You Read My Mind?"
  • the incredibly dull looking set design for the Fortress of Solitude (the same old set from the old movies hauled out of storage probably).

Combined with:

  • EXTREMELY poor casting/writing in regards to Lois Lane. This was SO not the woman who was willing to risk jumping into Niagara Falls for the sake of a story.
  • an extremely tedious and heavily telegraphed storyline involving Lois' son (invented for this movie and not part of any established continuity).
  • a rescue scene that seemed familiar to me...'cause it was quite similar to one seen in John Byrne's reboot of Superman mini-series (Man of Steel)...the first time he met Lois in the Post-Crisis continuity

Also, they squandered a great inside fanboy joke:

There's a moment in the film where Clark sees a framed newspaper headline from the time while he's been gone and the headline SHOULD have read "World Without a Superman". Duh!

All in all, the action sequences are okay eye candy (not great) but this film has no soul (which is something that the second Superman movie certainly had). Don't see it in theatres, don't pay for a rental (even from Netflix). Wait 'til it's playing on Starz...'cause this is about the caliber of movie they play. Can I nominate Kate Bosworth for a Golden Raspberry now?

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