Bryan F. Irrera (bfirrera) wrote,
Bryan F. Irrera

it's 4am...

I'm awake. I just couldn't sleep anymore.

Partially because of the death of our beautiful girl, T.C., partially because of the alcohol I'd consumed at dinner (two margaritas).

I went to bed pretty much as soon as we got home at 9:00-ish.
At around 9am today, the gentleman from the local pet cemetary will be coming to pick T.C. up for cremation (I would not feel comfortable leaving her remains in the cemetary, though it's a beautiful place and I've been there before to visit Shadow, the police german shephard who lived down the street with my childhood friends (their father was a policeman)). I only felt comfortable about burying my grandmother because she was being placed next to my grandfather and only felt comfortable about burying him because most of his family was in that same cemetary (Alliance in Norma, NJ).

I want to be able to bring her with us to the new house because she's earned it as much as we have. I want to encourage her spirit to stay with us and not be locked into this house. Paul says that when we move we'll specifically invite the spirit of Louis, the cat that raised T.C., and also haunts this house, to come with us as well. I'll have to go to the backyard and talk to all the cats in my tribe that have passed to make sure they know to follow us as well (I'm sure that Autumn will come with us, 'cause we now have her son, Ricky, with us).


All in all, BAD day. Wasn't quite there for most of it. It was not only hard because I've lived with her for a very long time (nearly eleven years), but Paul had her for nineteen. I realized that I knew her longer than I knew my childhood dog that died when I was ten. It also was that it dredged up a lot of my mourning of my grandparents, 'cause her death was so similar to both of theirs. She had sunk into a coma, similar to my grandfather...we were just waiting for the breathing to stop. She was living on pure force of will, similar to my grandmother...she was just too stubborn to allow herself to go.

I know she is in a better place now and that she will be one of our guardian angels and I look forward to the day I go so I can hold her again.

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